NOTE FROM THE MISSED CONNECTIONS CHIEF BOTTLE FINDER:
The missed connections I place in the Random Weirdness category are some of my favorites. I think they would make an awesome short film series, don’t you? All I need are cameras and actors, and locations and I’m ready to roll! Seriously, who doesn’t love a character who eat a chocolate muffin and then hops on the hog to poison apples at Trader Joe’s?
Missed Connections in Manhattan
You were eating a chocolate muffin in front of the Magnolia Bakery, and the specks in your hair shone wild in the dark autumn night.
I loved you from the minute I saw you, and knew you were my soul-mate.
I didn’t talk to you because I was shy and disheveled—oh how I wish I did!
You rode away on your motorcycle, and it was obvious you were making plans to poison all the apples at Trader Joe’s.
You know as well as I do, when I talked to the future mayor on the phone in 1999, that he was the antichrist who would give us the mark of the beast with his Bloomberg machines.
Write me, love.