Whole Foods Women
Missed Connections in Sacramento
So many pretty women but the problem is,
it’s too expensive.
I went over to a woman shopping for her organic veggies, tried to shove her into my shopping cart but then after looking at the price tag on her head of $500,000 I was like DAMN, she’s way too expensive and I can’t afford her!
So I thought okay, maybe these organic veggie women don’t all cost so much. Went up to the next tapped her on the shoulder, gave her a smirk and pointed for her to get into the shopping cart…then she showed me her price tag of ONE MILLION???!!!??? Damn…had to go.
Alright maybe the women in the snack isle aren’t so pricey. I waited and waited pretending to care about shopping for new snacks and no ladies in that isle. Only men so we got to chit chatting about snacks and they were hoping to find less expensive women on this isle. I just got frustrated and decided to go look at the cheese instead since this whole journey was starting to feel cheesy.
Then she showed up! She wore a shirt that said “Always low prices….Always!” She had this look of discomfort and organic noobness about her so I knew she was going to be the one! I tapped her on the shoulder and motioned for her to get into the basket. She showed me her price tag of $50.00 and I was thrilled! Then…one of those Whole Foods employees came up and gave her a sample of the raw cheese. She ate some and smiled. Then rolling my eyes I motioned once again for her to get into the basket. She grabbed the workers pen and crossed out the $50.00 price tag and jacked up the new price to $300,000.
I give up! I am never shopping at Whole Foods again! It’s back to Walmart for me. If you happen to catch women glued to toilets, their price goes waay down. It’s a steal!
As someone who recently ditched the Whole Foods shopping “experience” for a locally run food co-op, I understand our poet’s lament about sky high prices and the attitudes to match. However, I don’t think Wal-Mart presents a better solution; what good is low low China-made prices if you end up stuck to a toilet seat and on the evening news? Better to skip the snack aisle entirely and use the loo in the comfort of your domicile. Whether you’re buying million dollar chips or the .99 cent discount brand, eating them won’t improve your heath any!