The most satisfying material to clean is porcelain. One is able to feel the imperfections erase from the surface as the fingers dig into the dried dung. Rubber gloves make the task bearable; the powder inside the gloves makes them humane. If you are wearing all black then you must wash your hands the moment you remove the gloves. The white powder loves black. Cleaning bathrooms is a janitor’s job. I wait tables. I clean bathrooms. Janitors require $7.25 an hour to clean. It takes me, a waiter, 20 minutes to clean the men’s and women’s restrooms. I am paid 71 cents to clean the bathrooms. Waiters require $2.13 an hour to clean. We make tips. You tip us so we clean your shit. I sure as hell would not clean shit for $2.13 an hour. I clean shit for tips. It would be nice if people left tips in the bathroom. It might not be sanitary but it would make me feel better as I mop up your piss. The tips left on the tables are too far removed. Just throw a silver dollar in the urinal. No one will pick it out. I will pick it out. I have gloves. I make $2.13 an hour. With your silver dollar I make $3.13 an hour. I’ll kiss your ass and clean your shit. Otherwise I make $2.13 an hour. I have considered asking for a raise to $2.44 an hour. That is too much. Perhaps a 10% raise would be more reasonable: $2.34. No, I make tips. I am curious which janitor sits at home without a job because I clean their toilets. I would love to hire them for the job; it is their job after all. But I do not make enough waiting tables. I must clean toilets too. What if we hired a janitor and fired me, the waiter? The janitor could clean most of the time. Doing what janitors do best. The janitor could leave the bathroom occasionally, removing their thin, rubber gloves. Powder sticking to their hands as they walk by your empty Diet Coke glass, they could return to your table with a pitcher of soda. They could fill your soda. They could clear your plates and ask if you would like dessert. They could receive the tip and make a janitors pay simultaneously. They could be rich!
Her Two Cents